Something just jogged my memory

I realised that you were
Probably there
And it made me feel so
Bad that I froze.

Kept conjuring images
Based on what you’d
Told me, of what I’d
Half remembered
Pretending you might
Have looked like there.

There’s this whole
Past without me,
This whole monumental
Thing that’s so dense
That I’m having trouble
Trying to chip
My way into.

It’s like a virgin asshole.
But one that’s stayed that
Way through choice,
And you’ve kept tabs on
How that thing smells.

Too scared to ask
The sorts of things
That I’d like to,
Because I know that
You’d answer me
So truthfully, that
I wouldn’t be able
To stand.

You’d have to help
Me up and I doubt
That I’d feel any
Better for it.