New ideas 110

If I look somewhere else it looks like the light in the room has been put through a paper shredder and is sprinkled down in its new shape of strips; or like a TV fucking up in bad weather. Tinsel swallows still like tinsel. Tinsel isn’t the right word. It hasn’t become the right word yet. I think it might have been the right word. It just hasn’t become the right word yet.

“Yeah – she’s fine. Emma.”
“She didn’t want to ...” Alex trails off. Laughter/his.
I’m really scared.
“Didn’t want to?” I’m waiting for him to answer I think.
Alex laughs some more.
“To come!”
I know what Alex means now, but I keep thinking of the word cum. I think of Emma in this blur that almost feels like I’m trying to stop myself from thinking of her. I think of her cumming. I think of her whole body tensing up over Alex. I think of his face looking hot, tired, then I try the same image with his face cocky, confident, Emma’s legs crossing round his. Crunching themselves together really slowly. Her hips grinding at his like she was trying to work his cock down to nothing. Something about the curve of Emma’s back – damp, glazed. I don’t even know if they actually ever fucked. It doesn’t matter I guess because most things seem to be separated from love and I know that I don’t love Alex, although I guess I probably would do if I found out that he loved me.

I feel like Alex probably knows Emma more than I ever could.